confrontation

April 18, 2010 in thinking with 23 Comments

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Above is a tweet from Sunday evening. I don’t have too much of a filter when I write. This is why I always let other folks read my posts before I post them on here. I always end up changing stuff because of this little extra step. It’s always a good way to keep the jackalopekid in check from writing things that sound hateful. I’m still working on the whole LOVE thing. This time I let Jasmine proofread the post I was going to put on here today about Jennifer Knapp. She reminded me of the question, “Who will this help?”. After I did this, I knew the post was just too much to post. Nobody will probably ever see this thing. We could call these “The Lost Jackalopekid Writings”. When I pass away these will be worth millions. This is a joke.

One question for ya:

Do you think there can ever be a good outcome with being confrontational? If so, how do we as Christians confront in love?

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http://twitter.com/Musicfanmic @Musicfanmic

With our weakest weakness. This is the most humble of honesty and it only attracks true love.
My recent post The Mockingbird Still Sings…
http://intensedebate.com/people/isaiahq Rusty

I think confrontation can be really good. Actually, I think it's necessary. Everybody fails. Everybody sins. And we need to confess those sins to our brothers and sisters in Christ (James 5:16). But like I said (well, actually, the Bible said it first), everybody fails. And when we don't repent, it's our brother's duty to confront us and hold us accountable:

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." – Matthew 18:15-17
My recent post IsaiahQ: Just got back from an awesome youth group event. Send me a shout-out and get involved. We've got tshirts.
http://intensedebate.com/profiles/ineffablegod ineffablegod

I absolutely hate confrontation…It's something I need to work on. With that being said, I think it can be good or bad. I think in personal, face-to-face encounters, there are times where it is necessary to speak things out, but I tend to believe that within an online atmosphere, some things should just be left unsaid. You're right…who does it help? People will agree, and others will disagree, and it solves nothing. And dang sometimes Christians can be mean! I think it is better to focus on what Christ called us to do, and act in the same love that He first loved us with.
http://twitter.com/Musicfanmic @Musicfanmic

Now that I have focused on exactly what you were asking, I feel like a total fool. Confrontation. Somehow, I thought you were inlove with someone and wanted…nevermind. Go to the person, lay bare what is of issue and try winning him/her over in GOD. And do this before your next prayer or it could be ignored by GOD. Matt.5:23…
My recent post The Mockingbird Still Sings…
http://chrismartinsblog.wordpress.com Chris Martin

Rusty,
These wer my thoughts exactly when I read the post, too.
http://intensedebate.com/people/aboynamedtracy aboynamedtracy

Good question. Seems Jesus was only controversial with 1) the "religious" and, 2) demons. For the rest of the "sinners" he seemed to use a different approach…but I don't know how we go about doing the same though.
My recent post Win P90X and help bring two girls home
Shellie (baylormum)

I hate confrontation, too. But, I think it almost always stimulates learning. How to meet on common ground. How to stand up for what I believe in. How other people feel about this issue or that. Maybe in a way I hadn't thought of. And to be diplomatic & not one-sided in my argument.

Hate it, but can't always avoid it. So learn from it!
http://intensedebate.com/people/jackalopekid jackalopekid

interesting point
http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

Yes, I think there can definitely be positives about confronting.
Growing up as the son of a counselor, I was taught from a very young age how to confront others. To be honest, I am very grateful for this.
I have met others who do not know how to confront and really struggle to confront in the right way or just plain confront someone.

A couple of years back I had to confront the head of an organization that I worked for because he basically told someone who was looking at hiring me full time that i was a risk. The problem with all of that was the stuff that i shared with him in private he told me would not be shared with anyone else nor affect the way he looked at me and my job. I trusted him and he broke the trust.
I went into his office and confronted him. It was very tough and difficult. But out of all of that we were able to repair the relationship. He later told me that if I would not have done that he would have thought of me in a completely different way and that he would love for me to work with them any time. Funny thing is, 5 years later I am actually in discussion with working for his company again.

Confronting is good for the soul and needed.
http://intensedebate.com/people/aboynamedtracy aboynamedtracy

I have been struggling for years how to handle a cousin of mine that is homosexual and is a Christian. For a very long time I was judgmental and downright mean. I know that wasn't right but now I'm really trying to figure out how to mend that relationship.
http://twitter.com/kevinowens4 @kevinowens4

I think issues can, and should, be confronted without being confrontational, if you know what I mean. We Christians are too often much more like non-Christians than we should be, IMO, when it comes to handling disagreements.

If we can avoid name-calling, finger-pointing, and the very useful "you're going to hell if you don't agree with me" argument, we might actually convince some to change their views. At the very least, we might not turn non-believers off to the whole Christianity deal.

KO
http://intensedebate.com/people/isaiahq Rusty

If they're in the church, they need to be confronted. If they're outside, love 'em and pray.

"What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. 'Expel the wicked man from among you.'" – 1 Corinthians 5:12-13. Also, take a look at this bit on church discipline which I posted above: Matthew 18:15-17.

I think I heard somewhere about how John Piper rejoiced the day his unrepentant son left Christianity, because it meant he could fellowship with him again. If someone is unrepentant in the church, we have to expel them and cease fellowship. But if they leave the church, we can be friends with them again. Or at least I think that's what these verses mean.
http://twitter.com/kevinowens4 @kevinowens4

Great point and I agree. But when you suggest a different approach, be ready for confrontation. Trust me.
My recent post Check Yourself
http://twitter.com/kevinowens4 @kevinowens4

Great point and I agree. But when you suggest a different approach, be ready for confrontation. Trust me.
My recent post Check Yourself
http://bondchristian.com/ bondChristian

Someone once said (something like), "Confront when it's harder to do it than to not do it."

There's something to that. The confronter's motivation is key. If they're doing it to set the person right, it might not be a good idea. But if they're doing it because they actually care about the person, then yes, confrontation is a good thing.

-Marshall Jones Jr.
My recent post Forget the youth – Here’s the real gap in church ministry
http://intensedebate.com/people/aboynamedtracy aboynamedtracy

My goal? I don't want to be judgmental.
My recent post Win P90X and help bring two girls home
http://intensedebate.com/people/rrchapman Bob Chapman

Then it looks like you don't need to handle your cousin at all.

You need to apologize for being judgmental and mean. Then you need to live your life to show this cousin that you really meant it.

In the process of doing this you may discover why many in the gay community consider all Christians to be hypocritical jerks. It is because you will be thrown in with your cousin when you choose to love your cousin as a human being and family.
My recent post It is easy to like all things bright and beautiful
http://intensedebate.com/people/rrchapman Bob Chapman

John Piper is a jerk if he wouldn't fellowship with his own son until he left the church.

Does Jesus stop fellowship with us when we sin?

My recent post It is easy to like all things bright and beautiful
http://twitter.com/takingheart @takingheart

I appreciate the fact that you asked yourself that valuable question… "Who will this help?" I think taking a step back and thinking things through before moving forward always gives us a better handle on any situation.____That being said… I don't like confrontation… but I appreciate that it needs to happen. I believe God created us all individually… and if we were all comfortable with it… this would be a very hostile world. I am so glad there are there is a good mix of us all… I am not weak because I don't jump into conflict easily… but I don't think someone who does is necessarily a bully either. We all need eachother to stretch and grow…
http://twitter.com/rrchapman @rrchapman

What is your goal? Why do you want to do this?
http://www.prudychick.com Prudence

Then Paul is a jerk for tell the church in Corinth to put out the man who was sleeping with his father's wife. See 1 Corinthians 5 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20C…

John was only acting according to scripture. No matter if it was his son or one of the elders of the church.

My recent post A Lot Like Him
dale

I was just wrestling this question yesterday with @melisashafer. I was concerned that my tendency to point out the moronic things that some Christians do, things that they think are helpful but have the opposite effect, is actually not helpful either. I think it's a double-edged sword and often depends on which lense you are looking through. It's difficult to be a Christian and see these things and not know if appropriate or helpful to cite them as examples of ways we can improve.
http://intensedebate.com/people/isaiahq Rusty

First, I'd like to clarify that I have no idea if this actually happened. I remember reading a post on a forum where someone said that they "recalled" this happening. So it would probably be better to consider this as hypothetical.

And second, there is a difference between sin and unrepentant sin. All Christians sin, so it would be ridiculous and very un-Christ like to shun someone just because they make a mistake. But if someone is unrepentantly sinning (i.e., refusing to confess and ask for forgiveness for his/her sin), then we must follow church discipline. Go to him alone, go to him with two or three others, and if he still won't repent, then take it to the church. If he doesn't repent, then we have to cease fellowship (Matthew 18:15-17). But that doesn't mean that we should stop loving and praying for him – actually, this person has never needed love or prayer more.

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