a lifetime

January 28, 2010 in deepness with 13 Comments

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I’m here in Indianapolis, IN for my sister’s wedding. It has me thinking about the idea of marriage and what it’s all about. With all the love and happiness and kids and kid’s soccer games and mini vans, comes the idea of divorce. I know about divorce from the side of being the kid who’s parents got divorced. I don’t like divorce… actually I hate it. It’s not a pretty side of the Smith family life, but you know what… it happened. It happened when I was thirteen. It was a really hard time for everyone in my family. Even though it happened, my mom was the one that kept us kids on the right path and in church. My parent’s divorce probably made me grow up faster, but it made me a better person (I try to find the good in everything). There was stuff behind all that jazz that I won’t talk about here, but I want to talk about this whole thing called divorce for a second. It’s a big problem in the church. Here’s why I think it is– (now I’m not saying there aren’t ever valid reasons for it, but from most of the stories I hear, it ends up being because those people kept divorce as an option in their head). Maybe not realizing they had that as an option, but it’s there. Something bad happens, and there they go. I don’t really know when this whole option thing happened, but it seems really common these days. What do you think?

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http://twitter.com/MattBeard @MattBeard

I blame the movie industry. Only slightly kidding. Everyone wants the fairy tale they see in the movies. Then, when the fairy tale ends and real life begins they think something is wrong. That person was obviously not "Mr. or Mrs. Right". So they end that and try again. And again. And again. Granted, I'm speaking as someone who isn't married and wouldn't dream of saying that I know how hard it can be at times. However, I know that true love is a choice. A covenant. That's what marriage is intended to be also.
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John Ballenger

No doubt, the church has made it as easy and comfortable to do as going by Starbucks and picking up a mocha. I have been happily married to my high school sweetheart for 14 years. We have seven children. We have had huge ups and huge downs. When we made a covenant to each other before God and witnesses, it was for life. Divorce never was, nor is an option. I know there are bad, bad, situations and I have thought through them all and how I would handle them if they happened to my children. Of course, I always come back to what Jesus said after all the arguing about divorce and if it was right or wrong. He said; "from the beginning of time it was not so…..what God hath joined together let no man put asunder." Our world, our country and the church will never be what they could be, until marriage becomes a life time thing again. Sorry that you had to go through a divorce. I wouldn't wish that on any kid. Blessings. JB
http://www.facebook.com/RG.deCastro Remigio de Castro Jr

Same thing here, I'm speaking as one who isn't married yet but seeing, first of all, the example set by my parents (even though they weren't Christians yet), they placed VALUE in the PROMISE they made with each other before God, I can say that divorce was never an option if troubles and hardships happen to the family (well some cases like mental illnesses etc are exemptions to the rule). There is no Mr and Mrs Right. A marriage crumbles if Christ is not at the center of it. Seeing examples from my pastors and friends encourages me a lot. Hmmm… which made me think… naah never mind hehe!
http://intensedebate.com/people/prudychick prudychick

It is sad when you hear the statistics of divorce in the church is 50%. That's what it is outside of the church. I agree with you Adam. Whether it's spoken or not some people just have it as an option. It is not, will never be an option for my husband and I. This is stuff I think about. God can heal marriages. Even those that have gone through adultery. People are just too willing to let go to easily.
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http://twitter.com/sadlierka @sadlierka

I do not like divorce-seperation for that matter. Both sides of my family have divorce and seperation on them. There is only one couple on my mom's side that did not seperate or divorce and that is my grandparents. Because of all that, I won't date until I am absolutely ready. I've seen so many people around me, family and friends included, have been seriously hurt. I won't settle or make the same choices. I've seen too much hurt in my life. I want to be in a relationship with a man where we both are willing to admit when we are wrong and we can seek counsel with someone we trust and both willing to work on our problems/faults because we love the other person that much. I'll wait for as long as God for me.
http://intensedebate.com/people/Kevin_Martineau Kevin_Martineau

Divorce is definitely a PROBLEM! I think the church has to do a better job of preparing people for marriage and then offering help, support and instruction after marriage. That being said, people who are getting married need to make the choice and commitment to prepare themselves for marriage and then choose to commit themselves to growing that relationship after marriage.
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http://www.ricianne.com patricia

divorce – i hate it too. A.LOT.

my mom is currently undergoing her 2nd divorce. it’s messy and it’s painful.

and a LOT of skeletons are being revealed.

and the worst thing is: both parents use Christ name in order for them to make it seem like they are the “better custodian” to my youngest sister.

*sigh* thank God He never forsakes His children.
http://bondchristian.com/ bondChristian

Yes, I'm with you. The option is available, so we take it. If it were taken off the table, we wouldn't take it. Of course, that makes sense – but in our world now, it's harder than ever to give it up.

But guess what? That's why we need Jesus.

-Marshall Jones Jr.
http://marianneh.com Marianne

Maybe 'marriage' is the problem. People rush into it without understanding what it really means to be 'married'. People don't get that choosing a partner in life is a huge, if not THE most important decision one can make. People are spoiled into thinking that 'marriage' is disposable and/or replaceable like a car.
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http://www.adamowens.com Adam

I agree that the people have let the option there. Ive been married for 6 years and our marriage has had its intense struggles. But my wife and I have made the choice that we LOVE each other more than just to walk away.

We know people who have gone through the same issues as us and dealing with chronically ill child.. After they have lost their child they just continued to grow apart instead of taking that time to grow back together. And its funny becasue I know people are thinking the same thing about karen and I… It's weird because we are loving being able to spend more time with each other. Its kinda like we are "dating" again. Im getting to relearn why I love this woman so much.
Colleen Foshee

You hit it on the head – No Option thinking would greatly diminish the divorce rate. If people "couldn't" get out, what would they do? I've learned after 34 years that being married is a reall good way to learn how to love. I didn't know what love looked like when I first got married. I knew what lust loked like. It takes the "for worse" times to teach us the selfless love that makes a marriage last through everything that comes.
http://www.facebook.com/RG.deCastro Remigio de Castro Jr

I don't believe in disposable relationships.
http://twitter.com/jackalopekid @jackalopekid

good stuff folks

a lifetime

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